My Cat.
I said, "Munchi, sweetheart, I think you should make more of an effort to make friends. Not because you know the same people. Not because you do the same things. And please not because it’s convenient. Not because you both hang out at the same place or because neither of you like to eat alone. Here's the thing: you want friends who will laugh at silly things with me. Myself, I have friends I can ring at 3am when I can't sleep. Because I know what I'd do if they called me in the middle of the work day saying they're hungover from the night before and laying in a pool of their own sick. Real friends know your faults and still want to be with you. Don't make friends out of circumstance or because there wasn’t anyone else. Do you get what I'm saying here?"

My cat slow blinks and proceeds to lick her nether region with gusto. I'm thinking maybe I should make new friends.